A Bit Off
by LonelyAura
Summary: A Parody of very recent manga chapters. Not very funny, just something that I came up with randomly. I will continue if I get a beta! HIATUS! THIS WILL BE CONTINUED AT THE END OF SUMMER!
1. Chapter 1

A Bit Off

Woot!!! Crack/parody! I'm sick, so I don't have to go to school!

Enjoy!

**X/_\X**

Bam!

"Shit!" Cursed Kabuto as he walked toward Madara and tripped on a rock. Of course, this made Murphy's Law come into effect...

"The hell, un?" The two people in front of the coffins whirled around to see Deidara looking up with a shocked face. His voice, made the other 'dead' become aware…

"Oh fuck no!!!" Kakuzu yelled. "For no fucking reason you bring us to life for WHAT?"

"How annoying…" Sasori muttered. "I allow myself to be killed and you bring me back to life… great… imbeciles… some of us were finishing our sentences…"

"I promised I would do my best to help Naruto… I will not be used against Konoha." Nagato muttered, glaring.

"What is your point of bringing me back? I'm blind; you took my eyes, and spread my secret…" Said Itachi, groping the side of his coffin; trying to find the entrance.

"RUN FUCKERS, RUN!!! KATSU!!!" And with that, Deidara stooped down, took the muddy earth into his palm-mouth, and sent some grasshoppers toward the stupefied pair of men. Everyone but Itachi and Nagato fled.

Nagato limped toward Itachi's coffin, and tapped the raven's shoulder. "I guide, you support." And the two left quickly, Nagato shouting directions at the blind Itachi, his arm around the younger's shoulder.

"W-what… just happened?" Madara asked, rather freaked out.

"I… Don't… Know…" The Orochimaru wannabe stuttered.

"…you forgot to put the controlling kunai in, didn't you?"

Kabuto gulped.

**O/_\O**

Random crack-fic finished! It's not too funny, but I felt like typing something random. If a beta reader would step up, I might continue this… It would have to be someone who is good at making their own plot's, as I am horrible at that, so…


	2. Ominous Feelings

A Bit Off

Apparently the six people who reviewed want more… I think I love you all… BUT I need a beta if you want more. The voices in my mind can fabricate a whole story, sequels and all, but I have too many crowding for attention, so even if you don't want to be a beta, can you send me ideas on how to make this AU?

Sakushiro: THANK YOU!!! And I'm also a little disturbed about the chair thing, but okay…

Yuti-Chan: THANKS!

AbaratFox: You're getting your wish, and thanks!

AngelWings228: Thanks, and sure!

Abletrue: Thanks.

GreatGoogilyMoogily:Thank you very much! I think that was my favorite part to write…

**Ominous Feelings**

Sakura, who had been walking to the hospital from her lunch break, suddenly paused.

In front of her, was a scorpion.

'The hell? There are no scorpions in Konoha… Perhaps it came with someone from Suna?' She stared at it for a moment, before bringing a sandaled foot on top of the animal. The girl froze as a feeling of foreboding came upon her. She thought she heard, upon the whisper of a whisper, _Sasori_.

**Kitsune/Tako**

Naruto sighed as he sat down next to a tree, waiting for… what was his name? Killer Bee's trainer/friend/thing…

He blinked as he felt a sudden conflict of emotions, the Kyubi's agitation, and a movement in his stomach. He felt as if he were going to gain a powerful ally, and then a powerful enemy.

Both the Kyubi and the frog in his stomach shuddered.

I Know as much as you know, but something tells me I won't like the next few days… The frog agrees.

Naruto blinked, and hoped it was nothing, or maybe a result of the frog in his abdomen.

**DemonShark**

Kisame was almost ready to bang his head into Samahada's skin at the moment. Sure, he was getting information, but it was damn boring. He stiffened, though, as he felt a large amount of killing intent seeping from… himself? Directed at himself? This was only the type that Madara, Itachi, and Pein could make.

'Who knows, I bet it's just my imagination.

**UchihaMad**

Uchiha Madara was fuming silently.

'That idiot! We could have had more power than anything, and we lose it because he TRIPPED!' And other things like that was the direction his thoughts had been heading.

He paused, his head tilting to the side, as he heard-and felt!- something. A sense of pure malice filled the air, and it sounded as if many voices were speaking at once.

'_You didn't keep your promise, sensei. You didn't keep away from him.'_

'_You knew my final wishes. For disobeying them, I'll make you pay.'_

'_I don't care if you're Tobi OR Madara, I'll still blow you to kingdom come! Kabuto too!'_

'_I was happy, and you disturbed my peace. You'll pay for that.'_

'_What puppet-boy said.'_

'_At least I don't eat hearts!'_

'_You don't eat anything, Sasori-no-danna.'_

'_Grrr-'_

'_Idiots, this was supposed to be a dark subconscious message, and you ruined it!'_

Madara blinked once, twice, and just blamed it on the odd-looking mushroom that he had spotted in his food.

**Sasu/Sasu**

Sasuke smirked. He was free to do anything he wanted with his eyes, save Izangi, and no sight would deteriorate.

He looked upon the forest near the hideout, and saw an odd sight.

There was a muddy weasel, and it was running toward him as fast as it could go. After a few minutes, it arrived next to him and looked up with intelligent black eyes.

'_What have I done?!' _Came a deep, anguished voice from nowhere. Sasuke whirled, but there was no one there. He had thought he had heard his brother's voice-

'_Katsu!' _Yelled a lighter, more desperate voice. Sasuke snapped his head up to the clouds, using his eyes to look for the form he was sure would be there. There was nothing.

Shuddering, he turned and walked inside, not noticing the weasel run in the other direction.

**Mud/Scorpion**

Sasori shook off the last of that layer of mud that had accumulated while dead. There was nothing to do but keep walking, and hope that he died somehow… maybe antagonize someone in Suna.

"Oi, Sasori-no-danna, what are you planning to do now?"

Sasori groaned. The stupid brat had insisted on following him.

"To die and go back."

"What's the point in that? We're ALIVE! Free to blow up things without getting punished!"

"The moment we die we'll just get punished up there again. I finished my sentence. Why should I have to go through hell again?"

"…Because it's worth it?"

"Idiot."

**Kaka**

The stitched man sighed. What to do, what to do… He could get revenge, join Madara again, dig up Hidan… He blinked at the thought, and almost gagged. NEVER.

So what could he do? Kakuzu smirked as realization came upon him. He had never gotten revenge on Taki, had he? Maybe he could drag Deidara into it as well…

**Weasel/Leader**

"Further left, Itachi." Nagato ordered as the blind man obeyed, supporting the weaker.

"How Ironic." Itachi offered after a few more minutes of ordering and guiding.

"What?"

"The two strongest members of Akatsuki, reduced to this."

"I agree…"

"How far away are we from Konoha?" The younger of the two brought up after half an hour or so of walking.

"A week at the rate we're going. Left, LEFT!" Too late…

"What happened? Were we attacked?" Itachi asked after they had tumbled into a ditch.

"No, you just went too far right. We're in a ditch."

"Need help?" A young voice asked. Nagato looked up to the voice of Deidara, while Itachi groped the side of the ditch away from the street.

"Wow, who would've thought, Uchiha Itachi, blind and crawling in a ditch." Sasori said, but reached out to grab the Uchiha, widening his eyes when said man flinched. Deidara gave a low whistle.

"You've really gone low…"

"Just help, please." Nagato ordered. The healthy two shrugged and first pulled Itachi out, then Nagato.

"Deidara, help me, and Sasori, guide Itachi." The two followed the orders, as there was no reason not to.

"Ame?" Sasori asked.

"No, Konoha." Itachi said, speaking in front of the two for the first time.

"Is that wise?" The ex-puppet questioned.

"They'll trust me, and a few know about Itachi…" Three sighed while Itachi just walked stiffly. It was common knowledge in the spirit world of what Itachi was ordered to do; Shisui had made sure of that.

"Anyway, onward we go," Deidara said dryly. "Itachi, righ-" Thunk.

**End**

I'm abusing poor Itachi, but Sasori is not a good guide. So, send ideas!


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